


one more light

by luftkommandant



Series: hound is a Good Mom [3]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Pronouns, Alternate Universe - 2017, Alternate Universe - Age of Extinction Doesn't Happen, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Father-Son Relationship, Five Stages of Grief, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mother-Son Relationship, One More Light by Linkin Park, Optimus Prime's A+ Parenting, Parent Death, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), Sam is a good boy, Songfic, Transgenderformers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also ratchet is dead, and i got this fucking idea, i s2g i write everything for that tag, i was listening to one more light and crying u know as u do, this just gets more fun as i write it huh, who just wants to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 15:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12684342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luftkommandant/pseuds/luftkommandant
Summary: "The reminders pull the floor from your feet.In the kitchen one more chair than you need.Oh.And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair.Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there."





	1. one more light

**Author's Note:**

> listen im gay and im trying to deal with my own grief over something really ridiculous and i just. listen. ironhide and ratchet and hound are bumblebees creators. case fucking closed.
> 
> if you see anything that like mega hell needs correction please tell me lol i didnt really edit this?? aside from spellcheck lol
> 
> tw for talks of suicide, specifically the suicide of chester bennington. you can skip the first section if you dont want to read that part, although it is important. also tw for emotional abuse of bee by optimus and mentioned childhood sexual abuse of bee by unnamed bots, but thats like in the entire thing so you cant really skip it.

The song doesn’t seem like much, just soft guitar and a quiet voice. But Sam feels ‘Bee stiffen up, feels the seat adjust a little under him as ‘Bee listens.

“ _ Should've stayed, were there signs I ignored? Can I help you not to hurt anymore? We saw brilliance when the world was asleep. There are things that we can have but can't keep. _ ”

Sam takes the wheel gently as they cruise down the highway, knowing ‘Bee doesn’t like being driven but hoping he’ll make an exception. He feels the shiver go through the Autobot, and knows something’s up. He starts to say something, but Bumblebee just makes a shushing noise with his radio so he can hear the chorus.

“ _If they say,_ _who cares if one more light goes out in the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers. Who cares when someone's time runs out if a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do._ ”

Driving down the highway, Sam’s mind starts to race, thinking of why ‘Bee could be so attached to this song and this song in particular. None of the other songs on the album bothered him, and then he remembers.

“ _ The reminders pull the floor from your feet. In the kitchen one more chair than you need. Oh. And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair. Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. _ ”

The man singing the song is dead. Chester Bennington. He killed himself in July, just over three months ago. And the song is about a friend who had died of cancer.

“ _ If they say, who cares if one more light goes out in the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers. Who cares when someone's time runs out if a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do. _ ”

Sam runs one hand over Bumblebee’s dash, knowing he must be thinking of everyone he’s lost. Jazz, Que, Jetfire… Ironhide, Ratchet. His parents. The only one he has left is Optimus, and Sam knows their relationship isn’t the best. ‘Bee’s been “adopted” by the Witwicky’s, but Sam knows he has to miss his real family.

“ _ Who cares if one more light goes out in the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers. Who cares when someone's time runs out if a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do. Well, I do. _ ”


	2. heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I don't like my mind right now_   
>  _Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary_   
>  _Wish that I could slow things down_   
>  _I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic_   
>  _And I drive myself crazy_   
>  _Thinking everything's about me_   
>  _Yeah I drive myself crazy_   
>  _'Cause I can't escape the gravity_

Sam later finds ‘Bee in the garage, curled up in the corner and looking at the photographs Judy and Sarah Lennox have given him over the years. There’s a few of him and Jazz, less of Ironhide and the Lennoxes, some of him and Ratchet, one or two of him and Que. A couple of him and Ironhide and Ratchet together, which are his favorites.

Bumblebee doesn’t look up, only twitching his door wings to show that he knows Sam is there. He keeps going through his pictures, looking down sadly with those bright blue optics of his.

Taking a few steps, Sam waits to say something. He wants to say everything. He’s worried for ‘Bee, knows the ‘bot has been trying too hard to keep  _ him  _ safe while neglecting himself. He knows he should call Optimus or something, except Bumblebee resents Optimus.

“‘Bee?” Sam starts, not knowing what to say. He steps right beside Bumblebee, looking down at the picture he’s been staring at for a minute. It’s a picture of Ratchet and Ironhide, arms around each other, and they look happy. Genuinely happy, not wartime happy, but really happy.

Sam rests one hand on ‘Bee’s side, making him jump a little. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says softly, “You miss them, don’t you? That song was… It was something.”

Looking up, ‘Bee nods haltingly. He straightens his pictures, tapping them on the cement floor to tidy them, and slides them into his subspace. The look in his optics is pure agony, like he got stabbed or something.

“Do you want… Lennox, or someone? It’s killing me seeing you like this, man,” Sam offers, sitting down. Bumblebee puts one arm around the human to keep him warm in the November chill, and Sam leans into him. “You keep me okay, I keep you okay. That’s how it works.”

‘Bee looks down at Sam, leaning down to his level. His bright blue optics are unnerving, but Sam doesn’t look away. “ _ Optimus? _ ” The recording is of Ratchet, and Bumblebee winces.

Sam doesn’t say anything for a minute. He leans back, trying to process why ‘Bee could want Optimus, of all ‘bots. He’s seen them argue, yelling at each other until Bumblebee has to be held back by another Autobot. He’s heard about what Optimus let happen when Bumblebee was younger, only vague details from Ratchet. Honestly, he doesn’t want ‘Bee around Optimus.

“Okay,” Sam agrees, rubbing ‘Bee’s side with one hand. “I’ll call him later.” ‘Bee shakes his helm sharply, looking angry all the sudden. “I can call him now, I guess.” Bumblebee nods, calmed down now, and rests his helm on Sam’s shoulder. Sam doesn’t protest, even though ‘Bee has to weigh two tons. He just pulls out his phone and scrolls through the contacts, finally selecting the number for Optimus’ comm. frequency.

The phone rings. And rings. And Optimus finally picks up, just before it cuts off. “Sam? Is something wrong?” Optimus asks, sounding tired.

Sam feels bad about asking, but he does it for ‘Bee. “‘Bee needs you. He’s not feeling good. He heard a song today and he got sad, he started thinking about everyone… He said he wanted you. Can you… Can you come over or something? Or we could come to the base,” he says, petting ‘Bee’s helm comfortingly.

Optimus doesn’t say anything for a beat, and Sam imagines he feels bad about what he’s done, even though from the arguments he’s heard he knows the Cybertronian isn’t. “It would be best if you would come to the base. As soon as Bumblebee would like to,” Optimus suggests, voice soft.

“We’ll be there. In a little bit,” Sam says confidently, pulling ‘Bee closer. He hangs up, and sighs as he slips his phone back into his pocket. “You ready to go?” he asks, “I can drive.” Bumblebee raises his helm, looking up with sad optics, and nods. Sam nods back, setting his jaw for what he’s sure is going to be an adventure.


	3. talking to myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I admit I have made mistakes_   
>  _But yours might cost you everything_   
>  _Can't you hear me calling you home? (calling you home)_

Bumblebee pulls Optimus into a hug the second he sees the Prime, after bounding across the hangar. Sam sprints to catch up, but gets caught by Epps, who gives him a knowing look with a hand on his shoulder. “Might be best to leave those two alone. This time, they might actually make up,” he advises, steering Sam off to a group of other soldiers. Sam nervously watches as Optimus and Bumblebee head to Optimus’ quarters.

It’s not twenty minutes before they hear Optimus yelling after Bumblebee, and the scout comes running out of the hallway they went down. “ _ I’m not your son! _ ” Bumblebee screeches, “ _ I hate you! _ ” He storms out of the hangar, leaving Sam to chase behind him.

The Wreckers, along with someone new who just came to Earth, catch ‘Bee before he gets too far. The new ‘bot, Hound, lets him storm into her arms, hugging her and screaming angrily into her chest.

“Whoa there, kid,” Hound soothes, calm even though Bumblebee is throwing his arms around her neck and screaming bloody murder. Sam stands back in shock, reeling as he tries to imagine what Optimus could have said. But Hound just rubs ‘Bee’s back, letting him scream himself raw even though his broken vocalizer has to be in  _ agony _ .

Hound holds Bumblebee until he stops screaming and starts crying, big wrenching sobs that shake his entire frame to the point that Hound has to hold him up. “Okay, okay, little guy. You’re gonna make yourself sick. Or hurt yourself.Or something.” She continues comforting him, petting his back and tucking his helm into her shoulder, acting like they’re alone while the Wreckers just stare.

Sam stares, not believing this is his guardian. He’s seen ‘Bee go through worse than being yelled at by Optimus, and this is what makes him break down screaming and crying? He can hardly believe it.

But Hound is trying to steer Bumblebee towards another hangar, and picking him up like a baby when he stumbles a few times. Sam runs to catch up, following them into the hangar and through a couple hallways, to what looks like an oversized bedroom.

Hound sets ‘Bee on the bed, checking his temperature with a meaty servo on his neck. She sees Sam staring questioningly, and smiles gently at him. “Without taking our armor off, the only place where our energon is close enough to the surface is our necks. Emotional stress can cause fevers in us, especially because he’s a wee one and he’s… not the healthiest of ‘bots. I used to be a medic, that’s why I know all this,” she explains, letting ‘Bee grab her hand and hold it.

“Thanks. For helping him, I mean,” Sam says, leaning against the bed. He runs his hand through his hair, wondering why he’s even here. “Do you know him or something?”

Chuckling, Hound reaches down and offers to take Sam into her hand. He steps into her palm, and she sets him on the bed, leaning against ‘Bee’s side as the ‘bot dozes. “I knew him when he was a sparkling—a baby. Was more of a dad to him than Optimus ever was. After… After he got hurt, Ratchet took him away from Optimus, and I helped raise him, along with Ironhide. ‘Course, I didn’t have as big a part, but I was there. He remembers me. I’m kind of all he has left, except for you and your family,” she recounts, “You’re probably tired, huh? He should stay here for a few days, make sure he didn’t hurt himself screaming or anything, but I can get Leadfoot or someone to take you home. Or you can stay here. Just call your creators.”

“I’m staying here,” Sam states, sitting down. He pulls out his phone, and texts his mom. ‘ _ I need to stay at the base for a few days. Bee isn’t doing great. Call you tomorrow. _ ’ He sends the text, taking a deep breath and throwing his phone down on the mattress. “Is there anything I can do? To help?” He looks up at Hound, who pets ‘Bee’s cheek to keep him calm.

Hound looks up with another reassuring smile, and Sam thinks she must have been a very good medic with how good she is at placating him. “Stay with him, if you want to. I know you two are close. He’ll want you here. Help me keep Optimus away, or at least out of range. He won’t want to see him.” She stops for a minute, thinking. “Just… be there for him. You’re a good kid.” Hound rubs his hair affectionately with two fingers, making Sam smile.

His phone vibrates, and Sam looks down to see a text from his mom. ‘ _ Tell Bee I hope he feels better! _ ’ it says, with a bumblebee emoji. He smiles, going back to rubbing ‘Bee’s side. “I can do that,” he says, looking up and smiling back at Hound.


End file.
